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Negative Self-Talk is the Real Disease

11/27/2018

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The effects of picking yourself apart

by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM
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"Disease" refers to a harmful condition or process that interferes with normal functioning- physically, emotionally, mentally.
​...


I spent too much of my early life belittling, berating and diminishing myself in my thoughts, behaviors and choices. It took a significant toll on my health.
​

Over the past decade or more, I have worked diligently to reverse that pattern.

And I have.

​...

​How do you talk to yourself?
How do you feel about yourself?
What are the stories you’re telling about yourself, your value, your abilities?
Who do you believe yourself to be?
​What do you believe you can and cannot do?

The Cruel Voice
I think we all have an aspect of our minds that is callous, cruel or unsympathetic. It argues for our limitations, our weaknesses, our failures. It affirms our fears and picks us apart until we’re nothing but a pile of rejected fragments, ​totally severed from the truth of who we are and our innate worth.
...

I believe kindness and compassion toward ourselves is the basis of healing and having the life we want most.

The Inherent Beliefs
We often aren't aware of how cruel our beliefs about ourselves are... nor how much they are limiting us or creating misery in our lives. If you're stuck in negative self-talk, you certainly won't be guiding your life in the best direction. You won't feel your best, either.

In order to dismantle negative self-talk, you need to dig up and throw out the inherent, underlying beliefs you hold about yourself that are generating your negative thinking. 
​
Furthermore, your body is listening to your thoughts. So, what beliefs do you hold about yourself and how is this impacting your health? I can assure you that if you don't give a shit about yourself, your body will suffer.
...

I believe that self-neglect, both physically and emotionally, breeds disease.​

The Overcoming
Earlier in life, before I knew better, I believed this voice. It sent me down some dark roads.

Here's one example:
​Before I was even 10 years old, I was critiquing my body constantly. I’d stare in the mirror and pick myself apart. In a few years, I was virtually devoid of love or concern for myself. Self-disgust and feelings of unworthiness fueled an eating disorder that nearly killed me. I survived quite triumphantly, finding a spark of love for myself that was there all along. The first thing I said while recovering in my early teens was this:
​ I knew the way out of that hell… and I wanted to show people that were suffering the way.
 
This was decades ago. I absolutely love my body now. My belly is happy, not flat. My thighs are strong, not disgusting.  My stature is petite, not insignificant. And nothing about my worth stems from my body. In fact, my body has become my best friend because it always lets me know how I’m feeling and what I need. I treasure it and give thanks to it every single day.
...


So, if you aren’t already, I’d recommend you start being gentle and kind toward yourself.
​Talk to the sad and rejected aspects of yourself. Treat your suffering like you would if you were tending to someone you deeply love. Until you start forging that kind of relationship with yourself, your suffering will continue. Why?

Because it will only be you who saves you.
​...
about cailin

Other articles you may like...

>> The Body, Our Story-Teller
>> Feeling Defeated? Check your Self-Worth
>> How Acupuncture Treats Anxiety 
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Feeling Defeated? Check your Self-Worth

11/19/2018

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by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM
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“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you're worthy of the trip.” 


Do you feel easily defeated?
Do you give up? Do you allow a set back or someone else’s opinions to hold you apart from what you want? Do you lose faith in yourself or give up on your dreams if things aren’t going the way you wanted them to?

 
Do you know what this stems from?
 
A lack of self-worth.
...
 This dawned on me today.
​It’s been stewing in my mind for a while; now it’s a full-blow epiphany. 

 
(You see, I'm an entrepreneur, and running a business is an unending process of self-evaluation. You need to check your limiting, negative beliefs and constructs so you can actually achieve what you’re aiming for… and that goes for everything, business-related or not. However, because the success of your business is mandatory in order to live a good life, you will care BIG TIME about how you influence it. And, because your business is impacted by your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and lifestyle, you learn to be seriously accountable for all of those elements. If you’re in a funk or self-sabotage mode, your business will let you know because it will likely suffer.)
But, back to you and your resilience. 

​You can want something. You can dream. You can plan. You can take action. You can get up over and over again in the face of failure. But if you aren’t really committed to what you’re striving for, if you don’t deeply believe in yourself, if you feel easily defeated… then it’s possible that you don’t value yourself, your talent, your time or your needs. At least, not fully, not wholly, not in the ways that will keep you on the path to joy and satisfaction and success.
 
This is not to say that you just charge ahead, ignoring boundaries or red flags, and become egotistical and defiant. In fact, it actually means that you become more allowing, more trusting, more perceptive, more patient.

How? You know what you want.
​And you believe in yourself. 

...

Signs that you believe in yourself...

  • You truly love and approve of yourself.
  • You’re your #1 fan.
  • You know that things will work out.
  • You know that at the right time, doors will open.
  • You know when to wait and when to advance because you’re on your own team.
  • You know that other peoples' opinions may be interesting or even compelling, but you never use them to undermine yourself.
  • You know that set-backs are opportunities to learn, reconfigure, rearrange and keep going.
  • You use what happens to help clarify what you want and where you’re headed.
  • You do things for the joy of it, for the fun of it.
  • You seek inspiration, not condemnation.
  • And most of all, you focus on what you want because it’s what you LOVE, it’s what brings you joy and it’s a reflection of who you really are.

So, what is the dream you’ve been chasing or neglecting?
​

What kind of improvements are you seeking in your life?
​Do you let others or your own past experience dictate how/when/if you will have what you want?
...

​Years ago, I read and re-read the book, "What is your Self-Worth?" by Cheryl Saban.
​One quote from the book still repeats in my mind often:

"If you don't value your own worth, no one else ever will." 
 
Whatever you’re working toward- relationships, goals, career, health, emotional balance, etc.- think about why you want it, what it means to you and how it aligns with your values. Really reflect on that. And know that you’re more than worthy of all of the good that will come to you. If someone doesn’t like you, oh well. If someone tells you you’re not good enough, that’s their issue. Be your own best friend, trust your process, and don’t lose sight of what you want to create in your life.

​It’s what you’re here to do.

 ...

about cailin

Other articles you may like...

>> Why Your Your Truth Matters Most
>> From Fear to Power
 >> Entering Your Winter 
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    Dr. Cailin O'Hara, DACM, Dipl OM, LAc,  is a nationally board certified Doctor of Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture, intuitive and coach. She is based in Phoenix, AZ, and works with clients worldwide.

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  • Who We Help
    • Emotional Health
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  • How We help
    • Services
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • coaching + mentorship
    • Teaching + Workshops
  • New Clients
  • About
    • About Dr. Cailin
    • Testimonials
    • Philosphy
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    • Eliminate Stress + Anxiety Guide
    • Working with Difficult Emotions
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