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Acceptance After Loss, Shock, Trauma: An Easier Way

10/21/2019

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by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM
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Image Copyright Cailin O'Hara and Sun Tree Healing Arts, LLC 2019
​Maybe you need to hear this in just this way right now. Some things that happen feel impossible to accept and find peace in. But that doesn’t mean you have to harbor it forever, stuck in the misery of it.
 
How can you find some relief?
 
 How can you take the edge off of the searing pain so that you can breathe, sleep, eat, function?
 
Sometimes the emotional pain is so intense, you feel like you can’t go anywhere near it... it seems like if you do, it will swallow you whole.
 
It’s a pain that keeps on giving.

There is the initial event that caused it and then the countless ways it unfolds into new levels of pain afterward.
 
How can you get through this? What does it even mean to get through it?

...
 
I understand.

 
First of all, you can trust in the process of avoidance initially because it does serve you. It's ok to check out. You can’t expect yourself to accept what feels unacceptable, unimaginable, incomprehensible.

One way to work with avoidance is to embrace it.

This actually helps you become just a bit more present, a bit more HERE, a bit less likely to check out indefinitely. Give yourself space.

The issue is when we check out so hard, dissociate, detach and aren’t engaging with our life at all. It's when we can’t find our way out of avoidance, when we're controlled by it, driven to drink, eat, overwork... anything to avoid how we feel.
 
You don’t have to force yourself to accept what happened when you aren’t ready for that.
 

One way I’ve found helpful is to instead accept how it makes you feel.
...
​

An easier way in to the pain of it, to facing it, is to be with how you feel right here, right now.

“I feel weak, despondent, disconnected, isolated, heavy, enraged, dead inside…”

Whatever it is, just identify what it is that you feel.

And then let yourself feel it. Let it be OK to have your feelings.

You may then notice a separation- there is the you that is grieving, in pain, and there is the you that is observing that part of you.

This can be a very comforting experience. You see that you are not your pain. You never will be. It is part of you, but not all of you.

​It’s like calling a petal a rose. It’s never rose, but it’s part of it.
​

Your pain is one aspect, and when you can observe it as a part of you, give space for it, sit with it, stop running from it… it softens, it thanks you for being with it, it turns out to be like a crying child that all along really just needed to be held.

You don't need to make sense of the pain, the trauma, the loss right now. Your feelings just need you to witness them, to hold compassionate space for them. So offer this to yourself.

Accept yourself in your pain.

​You need it.
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Stop Running Away: What Your Anxiety Really Means

5/3/2019

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by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dip OM
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Image Copyright 2019 Sun Tree Healing Arts

If you have experienced something traumatic, it can change everything: your life, your brain, your nervous system, your beliefs. But that doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to live in fear, panic and anxiety forever.
...
I want to tell you about one of the most powerful ways you can help heal yourself if you have suffered from PTSD, past abuse or traumatic experiences. 
(hint: we all have)
It is an epiphany that I personally experienced… and one that completely changed the way I connect with myself. It showed me the way out of the loop of anxiety and relieving past trauma and into my power and the truth of who I am.
 
It is the realization of all realizations that I think is key in healing from past trauma. But you have to REALLY feel it. Doing so can immediately shift you out of anxiety-mode (flight or fight) and into a feeling of deep self-compassion (aka reconnecting with YOU).
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Most of us are not even aware that we have been traumatized, that our anxiety is actually a form of PTSD, stemming from past experiences that haunt our subconscious and become wired into our physiology. Anxiety is a response, not a problem. It asks us for our help. But we're afraid of it. It feels terrible. The more we focus on it, the more it seems to grow.
It just spirals out of control.

Anxiety can feel like a foreign entity that lives within us, making us feel unsafe, like we aren’t even safe in our own being. So what do we do? 
We run away. Sometimes literally, but generally, figuratively. We numb out, we distract ourselves, and we turn away from the feelings.
 
But it’s the belief that our anxiety is scary, it’s the very act of running away from it, that actually prevents us from really healing and regaining our sense of peace. 
So, the revelation, the epiphany, the ah-ha moment that can change your life…
It’s just you now.  
All of this running, this fighting against ourselves, the squashing of our feelings, the turning away from our own pain… it’s self-abandonment.
The pain you feel is NOW. The fear you feel is NOW. The anxiety is NOW.
But what caused it- those past experiences- are over.
So what does that mean?
It means what you are feeling now is just YOU.
You're feeling how what happened to you affected you, how it hurt you, how it wounded you... THAT is what you’re feeling now: your feelings. This also means that there isn’t anything to be afraid of in the here and now, if you think about it. You are fearing yourself. You are fearing your own broken heart, your own traumatized body.
​And the more you push it all away, the worse it can feel.
...

What's the answer?
 
Trauma can fragment you.
It can scatter you into pieces. And when it’s over, you are the one that can put you back together. You are the one that can compassionately hold space for yourself, comfort yourself, give yourself the unconditional love you need and deserve. And in no way does it mean that you’re “broken." In fact, I see it as a tremendous source of power.
What if you leaned into these wounded parts of yourself?
What if you had a compassionate conversation with them?
​What if you imaged yourself holding them, telling them it’s ok, that you love them?
...
Trauma is not something you ask for, but it can teach you how to love yourself in a way that maybe nothing else can… and that kind of love can make you unstoppable.
That’s what it has given me.
​That’s what I hope it gives you.

about cailin

...
other articles you may like

>> From Fear to Power
>> The Body, Our Storyteller
>>Stop Anxiety with This Technique 
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Negative Self-Talk is the Real Disease

11/27/2018

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The effects of picking yourself apart

by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM
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"Disease" refers to a harmful condition or process that interferes with normal functioning- physically, emotionally, mentally.
​...


I spent too much of my early life belittling, berating and diminishing myself in my thoughts, behaviors and choices. It took a significant toll on my health.
​

Over the past decade or more, I have worked diligently to reverse that pattern.

And I have.

​...

​How do you talk to yourself?
How do you feel about yourself?
What are the stories you’re telling about yourself, your value, your abilities?
Who do you believe yourself to be?
​What do you believe you can and cannot do?

The Cruel Voice
I think we all have an aspect of our minds that is callous, cruel or unsympathetic. It argues for our limitations, our weaknesses, our failures. It affirms our fears and picks us apart until we’re nothing but a pile of rejected fragments, ​totally severed from the truth of who we are and our innate worth.
...

I believe kindness and compassion toward ourselves is the basis of healing and having the life we want most.

The Inherent Beliefs
We often aren't aware of how cruel our beliefs about ourselves are... nor how much they are limiting us or creating misery in our lives. If you're stuck in negative self-talk, you certainly won't be guiding your life in the best direction. You won't feel your best, either.

In order to dismantle negative self-talk, you need to dig up and throw out the inherent, underlying beliefs you hold about yourself that are generating your negative thinking. 
​
Furthermore, your body is listening to your thoughts. So, what beliefs do you hold about yourself and how is this impacting your health? I can assure you that if you don't give a shit about yourself, your body will suffer.
...

I believe that self-neglect, both physically and emotionally, breeds disease.​

The Overcoming
Earlier in life, before I knew better, I believed this voice. It sent me down some dark roads.

Here's one example:
​Before I was even 10 years old, I was critiquing my body constantly. I’d stare in the mirror and pick myself apart. In a few years, I was virtually devoid of love or concern for myself. Self-disgust and feelings of unworthiness fueled an eating disorder that nearly killed me. I survived quite triumphantly, finding a spark of love for myself that was there all along. The first thing I said while recovering in my early teens was this:
​ I knew the way out of that hell… and I wanted to show people that were suffering the way.
 
This was decades ago. I absolutely love my body now. My belly is happy, not flat. My thighs are strong, not disgusting.  My stature is petite, not insignificant. And nothing about my worth stems from my body. In fact, my body has become my best friend because it always lets me know how I’m feeling and what I need. I treasure it and give thanks to it every single day.
...


So, if you aren’t already, I’d recommend you start being gentle and kind toward yourself.
​Talk to the sad and rejected aspects of yourself. Treat your suffering like you would if you were tending to someone you deeply love. Until you start forging that kind of relationship with yourself, your suffering will continue. Why?

Because it will only be you who saves you.
​...
about cailin

Other articles you may like...

>> The Body, Our Story-Teller
>> Feeling Defeated? Check your Self-Worth
>> How Acupuncture Treats Anxiety 
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Cupping as an Exorcism

5/27/2018

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Releasing Held Traumas

by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM
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Spooky title, huh? Don't freak out and cancel your next appointment. :)
You’re going to be surprised how obvious this is after I explain.

TRUTH:
Some of the darkest, most intense cup marks I have seen were not on patients with pain but patients with significant past emotional trauma​.
 

According to Chinese medicine, this makes perfect sense.
 But you may wonder how emotions are related to your body.​
​Allow me to explain.
...
​

Emotional Imprints

STEP ONE:
Something happens to you that is jolting, shocking, upsetting, painful, etc.
(physically or emotionally)

 
STEP TWO:

 It then creates an imprint in your physiology… a true shock to the system, if you will.
 

STEP THREE:
Your systems become blocked, impaired, sluggish.
(We refer to this as “stagnation” in Chinese medicine.)


STEP FOUR: 
If nothing is done to move this stagnation, it continues to accumulate.
 

STEP FIVE:
You experience worsening physical and emotional symptoms.

STEP SIX: 
You’re fed up and ready for legit healing.
 

STEP SEVEN:
 You come to see me, and we opt for cupping.
 

STEP EIGHT:
I use a gentle, sliding method and we analyze the color and severity of the markings.
(the marks are not painful, FYI)

 

STEP NINE:
 In a few days, you report feeling “brand new,” like a weight has been lifted off of you.

So, what does cupping do?
It moves stagnation. 

...
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​Past Hurt,
Be Gone!

Cupping pulls up the gunk just hanging out and accumulating in your system so that your body can clear it out. You might feel crummy after the treatment because your body is working to detoxify the gunk. But in a few days, it’s gone.

​You’re no longer carrying those remnants of whatever was causing the stagnation.


 Whatever has happened to you emotionally may be significantly impacting your physical health. It may show up as physical pain, fatigue, digestive issues, headaches, PMS… you name it. We carry past pain with us, often unknowingly, and it colors our health, relationships, decisions and the way we see the world. Sometimes you don’t have to psychoanalyze your past trauma to death… you just have allow yourself to let it go.
...

TRUTH:
An exorcism simply implies that we’re calling something up and out of your being that doesn’t serve you. Be gone, stagnant energy, past hurts and aching pain!

Chinese medicine is fan-freaking-tastic for alleviating emotional trauma, stress, anxiety and depression. And I happen to specialize in those things. I understand it personally and professionally, and I also know how to overcome it.
 
So, if you want to try something new, something profoundly effective and surprisingly gentle, you know where to find me.
 
-Cailin
 
 
 
 

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Healing Past Trauma, Part Three

1/29/2018

4 Comments

 

Moving Past Fear and Into Your Own Power

by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM
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"Feel the fear and do it anyway."


If you have followed along this far, you have read Part 1 and Part 2 of this series that shed light on how I work with anxiety, grief and healing past trauma. This final article will give you some guidance on how you can overcome these feelings and experiences.  

How do you heal what an experience has done to you?
You certainly aren't who you were before it happened.
Who are you now?
What do you do with the fear, the pain and the grief?

The only way through it is through it. 

It would be a relief if something could just take away how terrible you feel after a traumatic experience, but life doesn't work that way. And I would argue that going through the healing process can be one of the best and most empowering things you'll ever do for yourself.

...

Going Through It...
Here are the 4 essential steps you can take to help you move past fear and into your own power.

1) Seek out a qualified counselor
Find someone that you enjoy talking to because if you don't have a good connection, it's a waste of your time. You won't feel safe and comfortable opening up to someone you don't particularly like. A counselor who is a good fit for you can make your journey "through it" a much easier and enlightening one. ​
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2) Get in your body
If you're experiencing difficult emotions or haunting memories, it can be very overwhelming. Generally people disconnect (often unintentionally) from themselves, their bodies, their environments and/or their relationships as a way to cope with these overwhelming feelings​. You may get stuck in a flight-or-fight response, feeling perpetually on edge that something horrible is about to happen. You may also experience flashbacks that cause you to lose touch with where you are and what's happening around you.
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...

Anything that you do mindfully will help you reconnect. This means that you give 100% of your attention to whatever you're doing. This art of focusing will help you to relax and quiet your nervous system so you can come back into the present moment. ​
Ways to get back into your body...
Y
oga/Tai Chi
Exercise/Movement
Meditation
Acupuncture
Wash the dishes :) 

3) Read helpful books and articles
Books are rich with information that you may find comforting, inspiring and empowering. To know that you are not crazy or alone in your struggle gives you the momentum to move through your difficult emotions. Check out your local library!
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Some Book Recommendations...
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma 
by Bessel van der Kolk
The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment by Babette Rothschild
Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul by Deepak Chopra
Minding the Body, Mending the Mind by Joan Borysenko
The Places that Scare You by Pema Chodron

4) Cultivate Self-Compassion
Developing a deep sense of compassion for yourself will take practice, but I promise you it is mandatory if you truly want to heal. Compassion means you learn how to soothe yourself. It means you're kind to yourself above all else. It means you don't make life worse for yourself by telling yourself negative things, stressing yourself out or putting yourself in unhealthy situations. ​
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What does self-compassion look like?
Resting when you're tired
Soothing yourself with a bath when you're overwhelmed
Cancelling plans you aren't interested in 
Listening to your needs

...

Really simple stuff, right?
Most of us have this awful tendency to downplay our needs and our worth. If you have past trauma, this may be your tendency most of the time. You need you, above all else, in order to heal. So step up, be your own hero, and take the best damn care of yourself that you can. You will be amazed at how comforting it will feel when you finally treat yourself with the respect and love that you always deserve. 

​
About Cailin
Schedule a Complimentary Consultation

...

Other articles you may like...

>> How Acupuncture Treats Anxiety
>> Navigating the Dark Times of Life
>> FAQs Acupuncture + Anxiety
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Healing Past Trauma, Part Two

12/12/2017

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My Approach:
​Pillars of My Practice

by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM
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"The body keeps the score. If the memory of trauma is encoded in the viscera, in heartbreaking and gut-wrenching emotions, in autoimmune disorders and skeletal/muscular problems...this demands a radical shift in our therapeutic assumptions." 
-Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD


​​Treating anxiety and the effects of trauma can be tricky.

​There are many methods, which generally involve counseling. Finding the right counselor for you can be invaluable when you're navigating PTSD, trauma and anxiety. 
​However, sometimes it's not enough.
​
​Sometimes we need a more integrative approach to healing.
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Example Patient Case

A patient is attempting to process a traumatic experience from years before. They feel like after that traumatic experience, they haven’t been the same. They don’t sleep well. They feel on edge. They experience a sensation of anxiety in their body that feels like they're shaking from the inside out. Sometimes their heart races, and they can’t feel their legs. These experiences impact their life every single day. They’ve been working with their therapist, and it helps quite a bit, but they aren’t making the progress they want to make. And sometimes, talking about their experience worsens their anxieties.

This is when they wind up in my office. ​
The traumatic experience could have been emotional, physical, environmental, sexual… the effects are similar in all cases. Fear, hypervigilance, sleep disturbance and feeling disconnected from yourself, your body or your life are some examples of the effects of trauma.


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Pillars of My Practice
Healing at the Root


Pillar #1: Chinese Medicine
​​
I practice a fusion of medicine rooted in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).

​According to TCM, everything is connected: mind, body and spirit. In fact, working with the emotions and our “spirit” is considered an essential aspect of treatment for any symptom or disease in TCM. Your spirit is the essence of who you are and what makes you uniquely you. This aspect of Chinese medicine is the foundation of my practice of medicine.

I see everything as interconnected.
Working with the unique essence and spirit of each person I treat is fundamental to everything I do. 
​...


Pillar #2: Body-Centered Medicine
​
Another core aspect of my approach is what I refer to as “body-centered medicine,” which means I treat the body in order to affect the whole being.

​This method is based on the fact that our body holds our history. It is also rooted in the idea that we all possess the innate ability to heal. Working with the body creates a powerful healing effect across all levels: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. 

 In order to access our own healing potential, we must restore harmony to imbalanced systems in the body and mind. 
​...


Pillar #3: Treating the Root Cause 
​
Why is working with the body so powerful when it comes to balancing emotions and healing past trauma? It treats the roots of emotional experience. 

A primary condition we treat through the lens of TCM is called stagnation. Stagnation implies there is some sort of holding pattern that is creating a lack of movement, which then creates an array of symptoms (from pain to anxiety to fatigue and so on). Without healthy movement and flow in our bodies or minds, disease and bothersome symptoms arise.

​In the case of trauma, an experience or event sends a shockwave through our entire system that has lasting effects of stagnation. We can become "stuck" or stagnated in the experience- physically, mentally and emotionally. But here's the amazing part... we can treat the roots of trauma and anxiety by unlocking these stuck places in the body.

This means that the effects of traumatic experiences that have become stuck in a holding pattern in our body and minds finally have the opportunity to be set free.
​...


Releasing past trauma means just that-
We let it move through us, and then we let it go. 
Check out the final article in this series which will offer guidance on this process of letting go of past traumatic experiences. When you begin to reconnect with yourself, you will learn how to move past fear and into your own power. 
Part ThreE: From Fear To Power

Interested in working with Cailin?
Schedule a complimentary consultation. 


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    Dr. Cailin O'Hara, DACM, Dipl OM, LAc,  is a nationally board certified Doctor of Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture, intuitive and coach. She is based in Phoenix, AZ, and works with clients worldwide.

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  • Who We Help
    • Emotional Health
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    • About Dr. Cailin
    • Testimonials
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