The Truth about Why I'm Here (for you)

by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM

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“What brought you to this medicine?”

Patients ask me this. I give my usual answer of “I wasn’t well; nothing else was helping me, and I finally decided to try it.”
 
That’s not it, though. There is the truth, the backstory you likely wouldn’t believe.
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There is no reason I should be alive right now.
​I should have died on the morning of January 8, 1998.

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 I was at a funeral a couple of weeks ago. My aunt said to me, “I get your newsletter. I share it with my friend. Her daughter is really struggling with depression and anxiety. I wish she could come see you. I tell them that you really get it, that if anyone does, it’s you.”
 
It hit me. You’re right; I really, really get it. There are big parts of my “story” that I don’t share but that are the actual driving force behind why I’m in this field, why I’ve chosen (more like have been called) to do what I do. (It all comes full circle.)
 
I’ve been compelled to write my story recently. Here’s a snippet that might speak to you. It’s about the most pivotal (aka worst) time in my life at the young age of 13. It was the light shining through after the storm, an epiphany, when I realized that I was here (and more importantly knew how) to help people free themselves from their suffering, despair and emotional chaos. 

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“When I left the hospital a week later, I reflected on the 6 months of my personal hell that led me to that fateful night. I said this, about that whole experience, as we left the parking lot: ‘No one could have helped me. No one knew what to do. But I know now. And I know that I can help people out of this. I know the way.’

There is zero doubt in my mind that I was saved. It’s inarguable. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want it at the time. But the epiphany I had when I left the hospital is the same way I feel now, 22 years later. 

I know the way out. 
I've envisioned myself as carrying a torch that never burns out, and I’m in the twists and turns of dark caverns lighting the way through. In the past, it was just me down there, trying to make sense of things, trying to understand my own darkness, trying to save myself, knowing there was so much more than what I could see at the time, knowing that there was a far more powerful light somewhere that I had to find. 
 
I found it. 
Now I see myself as back in those caverns, and they’re familiar, but they’re not exactly mine. They’re yours. They’re part of me, I believe, because we’re all connected, all one. But they’re yours in that they’re for you to navigate. They’re for you to find the light in. So I walk with you with my torch that never goes out. I don’t have your answers, but I’ve traversed similar land. I’m more of a guide, a facilitator, letting you know you’ll find your way out. And you will, you do.
 
I’m here for a reason, just like you.”  

about cailin

learn about Cailin's treatment of Anxiety, Depression, Grief + Past Trauma