Negative Self-Talk is the Real Disease

The effects of picking yourself apart

by Cailin O'Hara, MAcOM, LAc, Dipl OM

"Disease" refers to a harmful condition or process that interferes with normal functioning- physically, emotionally, mentally.
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I spent too much of my early life belittling, berating and diminishing myself in my thoughts, behaviors and choices. It took a significant toll on my health.
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Over the past decade or more, I have worked diligently to reverse that pattern.

And I have.
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​How do you talk to yourself?
How do you feel about yourself?
What are the stories you’re telling about yourself, your value, your abilities?
Who do you believe yourself to be?
​What do you believe you can and cannot do?

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The Cruel Voice
I think we all have an aspect of our minds that is callous, cruel or unsympathetic. It argues for our limitations, our weaknesses, our failures. It affirms our fears and picks us apart until we’re nothing but a pile of rejected fragments, ​totally severed from the truth of who we are and our innate worth.
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I believe kindness and compassion toward ourselves is the basis of healing and having the life we want most.

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The Inherent Beliefs
We often aren't aware of how cruel our beliefs about ourselves are... nor how much they are limiting us or creating misery in our lives. If you're stuck in negative self-talk, you certainly won't be guiding your life in the best direction. You won't feel your best, either.

In order to dismantle negative self-talk, you need to dig up and throw out the inherent, underlying beliefs you hold about yourself that are generating your negative thinking. 
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Furthermore, your body is listening to your thoughts. So, what beliefs do you hold about yourself and how is this impacting your health? I can assure you that if you don't give a shit about yourself, your body will suffer.
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I believe that self-neglect, both physically and emotionally, breeds disease.​

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The Overcoming
Earlier in life, before I knew better, I believed this voice. It sent me down some dark roads.

Here's one example:
​Before I was even 10 years old, I was critiquing my body constantly. I’d stare in the mirror and pick myself apart. In a few years, I was virtually devoid of love or concern for myself. Self-disgust and feelings of unworthiness fueled an eating disorder that nearly killed me. I survived quite triumphantly, finding a spark of love for myself that was there all along. The first thing I said while recovering in my early teens was this:
​ I knew the way out of that hell… and I wanted to show people that were suffering the way.
 
This was decades ago. I absolutely love my body now. My belly is happy, not flat. My thighs are strong, not disgusting.  My stature is petite, not insignificant. And nothing about my worth stems from my body. In fact, my body has become my best friend because it always lets me know how I’m feeling and what I need. I treasure it and give thanks to it every single day.
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So, if you aren’t already, I’d recommend you start being gentle and kind toward yourself.
​Talk to the sad and rejected aspects of yourself. Treat your suffering like you would if you were tending to someone you deeply love. Until you start forging that kind of relationship with yourself, your suffering will continue. Why?

Because it will only be you who saves you.
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about cailin

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